I’m shaking. I’m honest to fucking god shaking. This piece of cerebral spunk has me fucking shaking. Do you have any idea how mad I have to be to physically shake?! I…oooooooooh, let me kill him. Or let someone else kill him, I don’t care, just have him fucking die, because he’s not contributing to the world in any way, he can’t possibly, and be this fucking retarded.

No. I’m sorry, that was wrong of me. That was fucking cruel and insulting to retards.

For every email I send him, I get roughly four back. They babble in different ways, doing little more than to prove that he’s an idiot who was only able to graduate because his teachers couldn’t fucking stand the thought of having him in their class one goddamned second longer, and nearly all of them ask for the total and address to send payment to. Which I gave him, in very clear terms, more than once. And judging from his emails, he is, quite miraculously, getting ALL of my emails EXCEPT the ones containing the info. HOW DOES THAT MOTHERFUCKING HAPPEN?!?!?

What’s that, Georgie? It DOESN’T, you say? Well, aren’t you the bright lad! Here, here’s a rusty, razor-blade covered dildo. Go fuck him in the ear with it. Don’t worry, it won’t hurt him, but it will make you feel all warm and happy inside.

Good god, I’m fucking insane. He’s driven me completely fucking postal. And the best part? Oooh, the very best, ass-puss, diarrhea-slut BEST part is…he’s now getting all superior and indignant to me. He has no concept of spelling or grammar, he can’t keep track of info or his emails, and I’m really starting to think he’s a motherfucking liar, and HE is putting on the offended party act. Why? Because I’m threatening his “perfect feedback” record. Fuck you, little man, eBay takes a commission based on the winning bid for an item, so yes, if we don’t get our thrice-damned money, you bet your ass we’re reporting you as a non-paying bidder, and oh fuck yes, you will be seeing some negative feedback, and you won’t even be able to complain to them, because I will trash your credibility and I will put it in prettiest, purplest prose you have ever seen and every single word will be spelled CORRECTLY, because I, little man, am a pissed-off writing major. Slurp shit and die.

But, OH! Lookee here! You’re all snotty because I’m not writing back the very second you email me, with the information that I already gave you, but which you somehow managed not to receive. I’m sorry, was I supposed to respond to one email four separate times in the same day, each time giving lame-ass excuses and asking for something that already been given to me? Oh, here. Let me inform you, a THIRD time, and oh, look. I managed to be both indignant and polite at the same time….and gosh! Is that proper spelling? And grammar? And good god, I’m actually using sentence structure and *gasp* punctuation! Heavens! Whatever will I fucking think of next?